


Leaves of Three

by shinysparks



Category: Robin Hood (BBC 2006)
Genre: Crack, F/M, Spiritual
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-13
Updated: 2013-05-13
Packaged: 2017-12-11 11:25:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,068
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/798182
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shinysparks/pseuds/shinysparks
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Guy had always believed he would be punished for his sins. He never doubted that fact one tiny bit. He had tried to repent many times in the past; however, it was a little difficult when the Priests kept running away from him. Even when he managed to catch one in confession, they barely listened to his pleas for mercy. Instead, they would quickly placate him with a few measly prayers and send him on his merry way. To Guy, it never seemed like enough penance. It was almost if the Priests believed that he wasn't redeemable, and therefore had no chance of escaping the fires of Hell. It was disheartening to him, to say the least...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Leaves of Three

**Author's Note:**

> **A/N:** Special thanks to [](http://thymelady.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://thymelady.livejournal.com/)**thymelady** for reading and reviewing and giving me the courage to post this, as it's not my usual fic. Hugs and thank you so much! ♥

Guy had always believed he would be punished for his sins. He never doubted that fact one tiny bit. He had tried to repent many times in the past; however, it was a little difficult when the Priests kept running away from him. Even when he managed to catch one in confession, they barely listened to his pleas for mercy. Instead, they would quickly placate him with a few measly prayers and send him on his merry way. To Guy, it never seemed like enough penance. It was almost if the Priests believed that he wasn't redeemable, and therefore had no chance of escaping the fires of Hell. It was disheartening to him, to say the least.

And then, Guy committed the unthinkable sin: he murdered his beloved Marian. That very act had sent him spiraling into his own personal hell, from which he was certain there was no escape. He hated himself with every fiber of his being, and as it turned out, the Priests had been right: he was damned for his sin. His soul was tormented, and the pain he felt was excruciating. In fact, he was absolutely certain that nothing more painful or torturous existed upon the Earth.

As he sat stiff, motionless and frozen in horror on a pile of soft hay in the Outlaw's Camp, Guy quickly retracted that thought. Apparently, divine retribution came in many forms, and God, indeed, worked in mysterious ways.

"What did the leaves look like, son?" Tuck asked him calmly.  
Guy stared blankly at the earthen wall in front of him, his eyes out of focus. "Um...green. Shiny. Three leaves." He replied, quietly.  
Tuck winced. "Oh, dear Lord." He said.  
"What's wrong with Giz?" Allan asked as he and Kate walked into the Outlaw's Camp.  
"Apparently, he has wiped his bottom with poison ivy." Answered Tuck, sighing heavily.

Kate began to giggle, and Allan smirked at his former master, trying hard to stifle his laughter.

"Does it itch?" Allan asked Guy, cracking a grin.  
"Of course it itches!" Guy snapped, with a pained and frustrated expression on his face.  
"Best not to scratch it, though." Instructed Tuck, "Lest it spread."

Guy groaned loudly as he carefully shifted his bottom around on the hay. He was certain that he was more uncomfortable than he had ever been in his entire life.

"I thought we went over this, Giz?" Allan said, still grinning at Guy's current predicament. "'Leaves of three, let it be' and all that?"  
"It was an accident, Allan!" Guy retorted. "It was almost dark and I really had to go. I grabbed the first leaves I saw!"

Allan chuckled, shaking his head.

"I can cure it, you know." Kate spoke up, her cheeks flushed from all the laughter.  
"You can?!" Guy exclaimed, his gray eyes looking quite hopeful and cheered from the thought of being cured from his painfully itchy bottom. However, after staring at Kate's unusual expression for a moment, his face fell and he groaned loudly. "Alright, what's the catch?" He finally asked.  
"You have to apologize." Kate told him, looking quite serious.  
"Apologize?" Asked Guy.  
"For murdering my brother." Said Kate, coldly.  
"I'm sorry for murdering your brother." Guy replied, nonchalantly.

Kate growled in irritation and stormed off. "Forget it!" She yelled.

"What?!" Guy called to her.  
"You have to mean it!" She cried.

Guy groaned. He took a deep breath and tried hard to ignore the horrible itching emanating from his nether regions. Guy had indeed murdered her brother; however, there was a slight problem. Guy had murdered a lot of people. And, after Marian, they all tended to blur together. He concentrated as hard as he could, searching his memories for anyone who looked like Kate. Or, at least, anyone who tended to act first and think later, was mildly annoying or general pain in the arse. Eventually, he settled upon the vague memory of a young boy who had challenged him foolishly.

"I remember your brother." Guy told her, once again staring blankly into space. "Martin, wasn't it?"  
"Matthew!" Kate replied forcefully, walking back over to Guy and glaring at him dangerously.  
"Right, Matthew. You were trying to hide him in your cart to keep him from being taken. He tried to save you from me and I ran him through with my sword." Guy sighed. "That happened during a rough time. I was full of grief over Marian and I cared for nothing. I did not care if I died, or if you died or your brother or anyone, really. I was a monster - a monster who acted without thinking. Under normal circumstances, I would've just had the boy beaten for challenging me in such a manner - and probably you as well, to be honest - but I would've let him live. However, I was just not myself then."  
"That's not good enough." Kate told him, her eyes full of tears.  
"It's the best I've got." Guy told her, pleadingly. "I am truly sorry, Kate."

Kate wiped her teary eyes, stood up and walked off. Guy sighed, shook his head and shifted around on his uncomfortable, itchy bottom once more. It had been no use. He had asked for forgiveness and received none. Perhaps the Priests were right, Guy thought to himself, There really is no hope for me.

To his surprise, though, Kate walked back over carrying a small jar in her hand. She knelt down in front of Guy, eyeing him seriously.

"Rub this into the rash several times a day and let it sit there for a while. It should stop the itching quickly." Kate told him, handing him the jar.

Guy opened the jar curiously, wondering what Kate's miraculous cure could be. Rather than be pleasantly surprised, however, his eyes grew wide with terror as he stared at the contents.

"Salt?!" He exclaimed, panicked.  
"It will dry the blisters and leech the poison from your skin." She told him, matter-of-factly.  
"But...but...it'll sting. A lot." Guy whined, his bottom lip quivering slightly.  
"Mmmhmm." Kate nodded. "Think of it as penance."  
"Penance?!" Squeaked Guy.  
"Sure." Kate said, cracking a slight smile.  
"Kate, you do realize that the rash is in a...um...very, very sensitive area, right?" Guy breathed, nervously. "The burning will be hard to endure...um...down there."

Kate smirked at him playfully.

"Whoever said penance was supposed to be easy?" She said.


End file.
